Why I’m Not Dating

Last night, I made some dessert.  Because sometimes, you just have a day that requires some dessert. 

Banana Choco Coconut Shake 001
Chocolate Banana Coconut Smoothie

I’ve talked a fair bit about my past relationship and how it has affected me, but what I haven’t said is that I’ve been dating a teeny tiny bit, too. 

I think this is a good thing.
Dating can help build you up after someone makes you feel like you’re not worth all that much.  After all, if someone new shows interest, is excited about you, and wants to spend time with you, that makes you feel really good! 
The thing is, I’m so scared of getting hurt again that I can’t even enjoy it.  I have never been one that’s all that good at keeping things casual.  I have feelings.  I get attached.  I want to snuggle and giggle and hold hands.  I want to have a glass of wine and tell you about my day.  I want to make you dinner and go to the farmer’s market, and even the post office with you.  The mundane details of life are so much richer when you have someone to share them with. 
And so I leap, feet first, with all my might into dating.  I am not a half-assed dater.  Nope.  I do it 110%.  Unfortunately, this makes me incredibly vulnerable. 
So what am I getting at?  Where was I going with this?  Oh, right.  The whole dating thing.  So I’ve been out with this guy a few times, and he’s a really great guy.  Employed, good looking, fun to be around.  He fits all the basic criteria.  But something . . . I don’t know.  Something just feels off. 
Like maybe he’s already dating someone else?
Or he’s not over his ex?
Or maybe he just isn’t all that interested in me?
All of which is fine, but then don’t date me. 
So whether any of that was actually the case or not, I’ve  just decided to take myself out of the equation.  Maybe I’m being paranoid, or maybe I’m just scared, but I don’t feel sufficiently badass enough quite yet to let someone play with my emotions.  For now, I think it’s best if I just don’t date.  Right now, I’m just a little too fragile, and I don’t think I can risk getting hurt. 

So I will make myself delicious smoothies instead.  That’s an acceptable alternative, right? 

Banana Choco Coconut Shake 005

Chocolate Banana Coconut Smoothie

Inspired by Chocolate Covered Katie–who is a genius and should win some kind of award for awesomeness in the dessert category!

1 frozen banana, cut into pieces

1/3 cup lite coconut milk

1 T. chocolate chips

Put everything into a blender or food processor and blend until smooth.  That’s it!

A smoothie will never let you down.  A smoothie will always be there.  A smoothie is love and comfort and happiness in a glass. 😀

I will sit in the corner and drink my smoothie and be safe and comfortable and no one will hurt me.  That’s how that’s gonna go.

Time to judge me. 

Do you think I’m being too paranoid?  Or am I being smart by protecting myself? 


12 thoughts on “Why I’m Not Dating

  1. Hamm, I’ve had those feelings before. When it’s time, you won’t be scared or paranoid. It won’t feel weird. You probably aren’t ready. It took me 2 years after my messy divorce to be ready. And everything felt right – the guy (now my hubby), the time, me.

  2. I think getting hurt is part of the process of makes us who we are and if we protect ourselves all the time, we will miss out on so much.
    I don’t know why, but this post reminds me of the song Indestructible by Robyn…
    “And I never was smart with love
    I let the bad ones in and the good ones go
    But I’m gonna love you like I’ve never been hurt before
    I’m gonna love you like I’m indestructible”

  3. I think that maybe you should give the guy more of a shot.I would try to pull back your emotions a bit and concentrate on just enjoying someone else’s company in a casual way. Take the pressure off! This guy doesn’t have to be the one, but he could be good practice until you feel 100% like yourself.
    Good luck 🙂 Keep us updated!

  4. Only you know what you need. But, I would consider the giving casual friends thing a thought.If you really think you can’t do it, I would wait until you’re ready. Your instincts are probably right.

  5. I haven’t read about your past relationship so I may not know enough about the background. Generally I think that if you don’t feel comfortable in any relationship than you shouldn’t be in it. That discomfort can come from inside of you or because of something the guy is doing.

    I can totally relate to being a headfirst, all in dater. I was so lucky that it turned out well with my husband because everything happened pretty fast for us.

    Definitely wait until you’re ready for whatever reason it may be.

  6. mylegs says:

    I was with someone for a long time. It was my own ‘fault’ for not ending things much sooner, but I kept hoping he would stop being an awful bf. Anyway, he left me with a lot of damage to repair and a lack of trust. I was hesitant to date, because I am the same way as you and I wanted to date to be serious and not to just have fun. I ended up hanging out with people to find out who I was (I had lost myself in my past relationship), what I wanted, and how to find it. I made mistakes along the way, but I began to find myself again and the fact that I could say no and know that I deserved better than some people had to offer. In the end, the guy who I most kept my distance from was patient, understanding, and made me fall in love. So, take your time and trust yourself, but know it gets better!

    As for that specific guy, it’s hard for any of us to say really. You don’t have to totally give up, but if you aren’t ready, then it won’t work. It took months of patience on my boyfriend’s part until I was ready. The right guy – will understand and work with you at your own pace.

    • Thank you so much for your sweet words. I feel like my experience has been so similar. I actually ended up talking to the guy about this and he just isn’t ready for a relationship right now, so it’s probably all for the best. Maybe somewhere along the way, our timing will be better, you know? I’m glad to hear you have found the right guy! It gives me hope that there’s someone out there for me who I’ll find when I’m ready.

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