A Little Blue

This week is going by way too fast. I know you’re not supposed to say things like that about work weeks, but it’s true. I’m nearly positive it’s because it’s my last week in Michigan, and I’m starting to panic.

Although I’m excited about my job and getting back to Richmond to see friends, I’m not so excited about being away from my family again. I can honestly say I’m not sick of them yet, and I’m already getting a little sad about leaving. I do this to myself. When I know I’m going to be away from the people I love, I start getting sad about it early. I need to cut it out because what usually happens is that I can’t enjoy my time with them right before I leave because I’m too sad.

sorry for yourself

Yeah, I’m pathetic. I need to focus on having fun and enjoying the time I have left instead of being a crazy mess. It’s harder than it looks. Especially when “crazy mess” is pretty much my default mode.

DAC 38

Instead of focusing on my crazy this morning, I distracted myself with really fun tasks. OK, not really fun. But they needed to be done.

I got a quick 4.5 mile run in with some stretching and then was off to the hospital to have blood drawn. Joy.

I’m not skittish about needles or anything, but I just hate the whole process. And I hate this contraption that they fit you with.



What happened to bandaids? I mean, if I need this much of a bandage just from getting my blood drawn, I’m in serious trouble.

Since I had to fast before getting my stupid blood drawn, I was pretty starved when I got home. The other day, I read something about putting ground flaxseed into your oatmeal (to help with tummy issues, of course Winking smile), so I decided to give it a go with my usual PB Banana Oats.


They were just OK. Kind of gummy, which is not a trait I find attractive in oats. Maybe I need to use less flax? More liquid? I don’t know. The flavor was fine, but the texture left a lot to be desired.

With an oatmeal fail behind me, I decided to conquer the stack of mail that has been accumulating and take care of some paperwork—business credit card activation, vehicle registration, insurance forms, and retirement stuff. Don’t you just adore being an adult??? 

I remember as a kid being so excited when I would get mail and jealous that I didn’t get more like my parents did. Now I know better.

There have also been some pretty tough things going on in my personal life lately. I don’t want to get into specifics, but let’s just say I don’t feel like I have many friends anymore. Internally, I am happy with where I am and who I am because it’s been a hard-fought battle to get here. But I’m also mourning the loss of some friendships (or maybe just the closeness of those friendships) because people don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. I hate to be vague, but putting my feelings here recently has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’m trying to avoid going back to that dark place where I keep everything inside, but I feel like if I just try to be me it’s going to be held against me. That, coupled with the fact that I have to leave my family in a few days is really weighing on me. I wish I could just enjoy the time I have left here, but I’m not sure how that’s going to go . . .


22 thoughts on “A Little Blue

  1. Why not join some meet up groups? Do you have bloggers in your area that have get togethers? Runner groups are great too. I’ve met a LOT of new, cool people in my area recently from running and blogging. And you do both…soooo…only makes sense!

    • I'm planning on doing some blogger meet ups when I get back to Richmond. I think it will be good for me to meet some more people down there. I am bad at running groups, though. I can't keep up with them and I am the worst at talking and running! ~ Melissa

      • You could totally keep up with them! My group is split into so many different groups. Like, 11-12 min milers and I know you’re faster than that. Don’t worry about the talking – all those runners LOVE people who just want to listen to them blab about their cats.

  2. Hey Melissa, I’ve definitely been where you’re at right now (mentally, not geographically). You’re an amazing person with so many exciting things going on – everything will work itself out! On two unrelated notes, I like flax in oatmeal and always pass out when I have blood drawn! 🙂

  3. I like the running club idea posted above! It might be a really great way to meet people with similar lifestyles to yours!

    I’ve been feeling kind of lost in some of my old friendships, too. Part of it is my own doing – like I can’t let go of the hurt feelings from the friendships, others just kind of fell away, I guess. Some of my friends have children, and I almost feel guilty sharing my petty problems with them, or talking about going out at night, my “free time” etc. It will all work out though!

    ps. your dad’s cooking in the last few posts looks awesome! I like the shrimp for flair 😉

    • I guess we’re always changing and growing, so it’s not surprising that sometimes we grow in different directions. You’re right. It will work out.

      Yep–Dad’s all about the flair! 😉

  4. Aw I’m so sorry to hear that you’re a little down right now! Maybe you could join a running group or something when you get back to Richmond so that you meet more people! I hate it, but sometimes I have to put myself out there more if I want to make new friends.

    • Yeah, I definitely have a hard time with making new friends, but I do need to do it! I’ve done running groups before without much luck, but I guess that means I just haven’t found the right group yet!

  5. Susan says:

    You know i think if most people were really honest with themselves they would find they only really have one or two really close people (outside family) to them that they can call true friends and people they rely on, most others are people who will eventually come and go from your life over time. It happens to everyone. I think too you will be suprised at how many people you will meet through your new job. And remember – testing times help build tough character. You will be fiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeeee!!

    • Wow, that is so true. I think there are probably only one or two people I can say that about–excellent point! And it is good to remember that it happens to everyone. Thanks for putting things into perspective! 🙂

  6. Umm I think we should do a blogger meet up before you leave Michigan! I would love to meet you in person 🙂 Keep your head up you are beautiful and starting a new chapter of your life that I feel will take you on many adventures!

  7. Yvette says:

    I saw a good qoute and I had to pass it on:
    God doesn’t give you the people you want,
    He gives you the people you NEED,
    To help you, to hurt you,
    To love you, to leave you,
    And to make you the person you were meant be.

    Stay positive!

  8. I’m sorry, Melissa. You’ve got a lot of wonderful things going on in your life right now. That doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty or bad about feeling down about other parts. No life is perfect.

    I’m sorry you feel like you don’t have anything in common with your old friends. That has happened to me. It’s not an easy spot to be in.

    Hugs. I’m super proud of you for making such a huge change in your life. You are pretty awesome.

  9. Katie says:

    Sometimes I get this way – feeling down because I have few really close friends. I have people I can call if need be, or message and catch up with on occassion, but nobody that I talk to that regularly apart from my best friend (the bf) and my mom. Part of it for me is aging and finding myself slowly, my shyness at times, etc. It’s hard to meet new friends. The dumbest part? I sometimes have though ‘I don’t have any super close female friends, what am I gonna do when I get married and need a bridal party?!’ Stupid, right? Yeah, it sounds REALLY lame! What was my point again? 😛

    • I feel ya, Katie. I think it’s most important to have just a couple people who really get you. I don’t care much about having a huge network, as long as the few people in my network are caring, true friends.

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