Stealthy

Today, we must discuss my most recent controversial behavior. Now, to some (namely men), they probably aren’t even aware of this issue, but it’s time it was brought to light and discussed. Openly. Here. So.

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Ladies, I need to know. When it’s that time of the month and you’re in your office or classroom or wherever you live the majority of your life, how do you handle the tampon issue? 

You know what I mean. You’re at your desk. You need to use the restroom. And a certain feminine product needs to come with you. But you wouldn’t normally drag your purse along. But you don’t necessarily want to carry a tampon out in the open, effectively announcing to the world, “Hey, I’ve got my period!!!” So what do you do? 

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The way I see it, there are a few options:

1. Take your purse with you.

In the interest of discretion, I suppose this is a viable option. But I find it annoying to haul all that with me when I’m just making a quick trip to the bathroom. Plus, if you never take your purse with you, but then you suddenly do, isn’t that a pretty obvious indication that you’ve got your period? Then again, something in me suspects the dudes of the world are completely oblivious to this behavior.

2. Tuck the tampon somewhere in your clothing.

I perfected this in middle school. When it was that time of the month, I would keep my stash of hygiene products in a special pencil case in my locker. Then, I would kind of stick my hip into the locker and sneak a tampon into my pocket or up my sleeve, then scurry to the bathroom hoping no one would see it. I have continued to do this into adulthood. In the name of discretion, of course. I feel like I’m smuggling something illicit when really all I’m doing is taking care of my lady business. Again, I feel the dudes of the world are oblivious to this sneaky type of behavior. 

Hiding tampon h5283. Carry the damn tampon right in your hand.

Instead of trying to be all stealthy or burdening yourself with the whole handbag scenario, you could just carry the tampon. I mean, would most men even know what it was if they saw it in your hand? And chicks clearly don’t care. Plus, it’s not like you’re waving the thing around. You grab it. You walk to the bathroom. You return to your desk. Not quite the mortifying scenario I’ve made it out to be in my head. Not discreet, but if we think men are paying this much attention to us, I’m pretty sure we’re mistaken. 

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So. Because I’m just over the whole “I’ve got to be discreet about my goddamn tampon” situation, I’ve just been carrying it along with me out in the open. I decided to do this the other day after I realized I was wearing a dress and had no real place to hide the tampon. I didn’t want to bring my purse along, so I just carried the stupid thing. I mean, is it that big a deal? Does anyone really care? Is anyone really paying attention? I decided the answer to these questions is a big, fat NO. So I did the damn thing. And the world did not implode. 

What do we think, ladies? How do you handle your hygiene products when it’s that time of the month? Are you a 1, 2, 3 or something else???

And dudes, do you have any idea this is going on? Would you even care? 

I’m desperate to know.

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26 thoughts on “Stealthy

  1. Wow, I guess I’ve never thought this through because everywhere I’ve worked there has always been a dispenser in the bathroom where the tampons are free! I have been in situations where I was offsite and that was not the case, and in those cases I do the discreet pocket tuck.

  2. I have this down to a science. And I told a friend about it awhile back. She emailed me not so long ago and said, “I still do your tampon trick!” THAT’S how good it is.
    So here it is…I put it vertically in the side of my bra (but still in the cup part). So it’s half in my bra, and the other half is covered by my shirt. No lumps. No one knows. BOOM.

      • Paula that’s her nice way of saying your idea sucks.

        JUST KIDDING. I’m totally going to try the bra thing. I usually just put it in my back pocket. Come to think of it, it still sticks out that way anyway, so I guess I should probably just carry it.

        • Lisa says:

          But don’t people just wonder why you are sticking something down your shirt at your desk, or wherever? Lol!

          I just stick the tampon up my sleeve when i have my hand in the drawer I keep my purse in

  3. I actually have a little clutch that’s reserved solely for tampons, so I just grab that whenever im running to the bathroom. I think most people assume it carries money, and that I’m going to grab a snack… again. 🙂

    • Marcee says:

      Ditto!

      An old-fashioned “fanny pack” that I keep in my desk holds just about everything necessary. Truthfully, no one really pays that much attention that I noticed anyway.

      Great subject Melissa! UR sooo funny. I love how you write + explain “things.” What a barrel of fun!!! Hahah.

    • Megan @ Fiterature says:

      Me too! Tiny little purse clutch that holds biz cards, Chapstick and tampons for when I run around the office. Also, we have a pretty female heavy office and just leave a box in the bathroom for community use.

      U crack me up….can’t wait to get a guys take on it. My guess is they are oblivious.

  4. @daphne i love that, and @paula *noted*!! i always tuck or palm them, i like ob for that reason bc they are teensy and i feel like a magician the way i can tuck one between two fingers like a magician… melissa, i love that you’re totally over it, and being that half the population shares the issue and the other half live with someone who does it should really not be interesting at all…but still, i can’t get over the idea that seeing me and that thing in the same visual sentence just brings up images i’d rather everyone not have!

  5. Mindy says:

    This is hysterical. I prefer method 2, however I do work in a nearly male-free zone so I may bust out with 3 next time…you have emboldened me! I don’t think men notice much in general, so I’m not sure why we are all worried about a teeny tampon 😉

  6. I work from home now, so it’s not an issue. But I used to see women go into the bathroom all the time with purses and never made the connection that they had to reload. So yes, I was completely oblivious to the behavior.

    At least the products are small and you have options. Us guys couldn’t hide our newspapers when we went to the bathroom for a sit-down… Thank God for iPhones.

    • Heh–that is funny and disgusting all at once. :)

      Glad to get the male perspective on this. I figured you guys were oblivious!

      ________________________________

  7. I love the idea of carrying it, but I work in the front office of a firm specializing in heavy construction and there is a near constant stream or large, male construction workers filing in and out, and they do notice pretty much everything about the ladies. Not in a creepy way, but they’re usually just waiting for someone to authorize something, so they have plenty of time to observe you, and I would feel sort of exposed just walking around with one. I totally do the Paula move and stuff it in my bra. Seems to work best for me.

  8. haha this is all too funny. i’ve wondered how other women handle this… i usually just put it in a pocket or in my waistband if i don’t have a pocket. i’ve also put it in my underwear if a pocket is too obvious or i don’t have pockets. ha!

  9. Hhaha you are too dang funny Melissa! Although I have been out of practice for FOUR years now with no period (feck I know) I never did anything crazy. Kind of just rolled with it and if anyone saw it in my pocket or something… ahh well. 🙂

  10. Alison says:

    When I was in junior high I would take the wrappers off the tampons so no one would hear the dreaded crinkly noise that was a tell tail sign of what business you were doing! Looking back, it’s kind of gross to think that I had the tampon just floating around in my backpack with who knows what else before I put it up my china!

  11. I usually just carry it – no hiding. I used to care, but then I realized that a) they could hear my rummaging through my purse to find it and then hide it and b) they’re ADULTS. It’s no secret this happens to women.

    I might have actually gotten over this fear while marathon training with a guy. It was the most humiliating moment – I didn’t bring a tampon and I NEEDED one and the dude was like “eh, whatevs” when I mentioned it. Otherwise he would have NOT noticed (as I kept wiping blood and sweat off my legs).

  12. i’m a dude so i’ll weigh in….

    1. if you took your purse and I noticed (which I probably wouldn’t because i’m oblivious most of the time), I would most likely just assume you were fixing your makeup (is that even something women do? powder your nose? i dunno…)

    2. you could do this, but I would assume there are times when you have no pockets? maybe you could hide it up your sleeve like a magic trick.

    3. probably your best option. most people won’t notice, those that do probably won’t care and if they do? they have issues. 🙂

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