I realize in the blog world you’re supposed to be upbeat and happy and love yourself 100% of the time, but I’ve always been the girl that says the thing you’re not supposed to say. So.
Today, I feel fat.
My jeans are so tight I feel like they’re sausage casings, and my stomachs are spilling out every which way from the top. Even stretchy pants feel like they’re going to cut off my circulation and fitted tops only highlight the disgusting flotation device around my waist.
Yes, today I feel fat. 
Even on a day when I’ve eaten healthy and exercised. Even when I know I’m not actually physically overweight. Even when I can’t say for sure if or how much weight I’ve gained. Even though it’s–gasp–not hormonal. Sometimes, you just feel fat.
I’m beyond the point where a workout would make me feel better. Or even making myself eat healthfully all day–I’m doing that all day every day anyway. And still–I feel fat.
Oh, and let’s go ahead and crown that with fat feeling with the desire to lose weight. Yep, I said it. Not running has resulted in a definite shift in my physique. And I’d like it to return to its previous state. Pronto. But I’m still following that blasted nutrition plan that requires me to eat every few hours. While I’m eating all healthy stuff and avoiding sugar and alcohol, eating all the time feels completely counterintuitive and actually makes me somewhat grouchy.
And while I’m at it? Another thing. I kind of hate my body right now. Yeah, that’s right. We’re not being all lovey dove up in here today. In addition to being all fat-feeling and what-not, my stupid body is totally betraying me with this whole injury deal, and I’m not having it. My back should be feeling significantly better at this point in time, and it flat out is not. Unacceptable. WTF, body? I treat you well. I feed you good things and exercise you regularly and give you plenty of sleep every night. And what do I get? An injury that’s had me limping around for nearly 3 weeks like a gimp. One that hurts almost all the time and seems to be at a steady 6 on the pain scale, barring copious amounts of painkillers.
One last thing. I hate everyone who can still run. I’m sure this is a direct side effect of being injured. I am one bitter chicky, that’s for sure. Every time I read about someone having a great run, or a horrible run, or not wanting to run, or being excited to run, I am BIT-ter. Okay, I don’t really hate any of you, but the bitterness is there. Not running totally and completely blows.
Got anything you need to get off your chest? Dump it here.
hungry healthy MJ 
Ha! That billboard. I had to send that pic to Fabian. 🙂
I hate that I can’t run faster than I do, I hate that I can’t find the right shoes to run in and end up limping after every run because every shoe I do try sucks, and while we’re at it…I hate my hair. HATE it. I hate that I’ve spent $300 on my hair in the past couple months and I still hate it. And I don’t know what to do with it. Dye it again myself? Get it highlighted? Let my natural color grow out? All I know is that I’m finally getting a *little* happier with my body only to hate my hair.
There? See? We can be haters together. xxxooo
Love it. Naturally, I forgot to mention that I hate my hair right now, too. I got a horrible cut and it’s just hideous. Ugh. I feel ya, sista!
Amen BBFF. You KNOW I feel exactly the same way. Sadly, I am feeling fat right now too. I’m hungry all the time even though I’ve upped my protein intake and have been watching what I eat and working out enough. I’m pissed that I’ve followed all doctor’s orders and still my knee hates me. I’m agitated that I followed everything to a T and yet I still can’t run. We are in the same boat. Love you.
It does help to know we’re in it together! Love you, too!!! XO
I hate that I bought my new running shoes at the running store my running group buddy works at, and she didn’t give me discount; I hate that I have upped my weekly mileage by about 50% and feel like my belly is getting BIGGER; I hate that I had meniscus surgery on my left knee and now my right knee hurts; and I HATE MY HAIR!!!!!!
What I don’t hate??? Your post today!! 🙂
Ugh, what is up with that friend!?! Rude! That super sucks about your knee, too! Have you been icing?
ok, can I just say THANK YOU for being real! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that has down days! I’m pissed that my calf is hurting and I’m not exactly sure why. I hate that I go to bed early each night to get enough rest, and that I’m still tired! and I feel fat too. Blah. Refreshing post, thanks for being a real person!
I wish you all the best in your recovery. and assure that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Stupid calf! I’ve had that exhaustion lately, too, even though I’m getting tons of sleep. So frustrating! Hope you feel better soon. 🙂 XO
I was going to shower this comment with all sorts of “you’re lovely” and “you’re not fat” but then I chose not to because well, damnit, if you’re having one of those days, then it’s just one of those days. Lots of positive comments don’t necessarily change that, and you are entitled to vent away on the blog!
(But, for the record, I think you’re totally gorgeous!)
And I can commiserate with you on people being able to run – I wanted to dropkick everyone on Twitter the last 6 months who were out running 20 milers while I was at home being super pregnant.
You are the sweetest, as always! 🙂 Thanks for getting it! I knew you would.
Thank you for being so real. Now, onto the hate … I hate that you’re injured. I hate that I’m slow. I hate that I’m unmotivated some days. I hate that I missed a race, and I hate that I am still beating myself up about it. My hair is rather irritating at the moment, too.
I hate those things for you, too Jina! No fair!!! Wishing you a good hair day and a day for you to be nice to yourself!! XO
im equally as sad as you are…. whether you believe that or not. VERY SAD.
Just emailed you. Now Im pouting…
corey
I believe you . . . will email back soon. Very sad, too. 😦
Oh I love you Melissa! And I have totally, totally had days where I hate my body and feel fat. Actually, sometimes it happens more than I’d like to admit! Right now, I really freaking hate the acne that is on my back and chest. This cream the doctors put me on hasn’t kicked in yet and is just irritating my skin so now it looks red, splotchy, and oh wait for it, there are zits everywhere still! I know it’s supposed to take like up to 3 months or something crazy for it to work but I’m impatient haha.
Thanks for making me feel less alone, Linds! You always do. 🙂 And that stupid acne? Ugh! I would be super frustrated and impatient, too! 3 MONTHS???? Yowsa. Hope it clears up faster! At least it should be good by the time summer’s here! 🙂
Today is a bad fat day for me too. I feel better not being alone.
Sorry you’re having a rough one. 😦 Hang in there!
Loved your post! I think we all have those days… I know I’m not overweight but am very insecure about my body sometimes because I know I can be better. But your post made me realize how appreciative I should be being able to run because I was very lazy about running. I think I should start training for a half-marathon…and hope I don’t get injured. 🙂
I hope you get better soon!
Thanks, Julie! Enjoy your training! I’m jealous 🙂
oh girl, i can relate more than i’d like to admit… isn’t it strange how one day we can feel fat and the next day feel great without gaining or losing a pound at all? it frustrates the heck out of me, but i can assure you that you ARE gorgeous and most definitely NOT fat. i hope you’re able to do something today that puts a smile on your face! 🙂
Ok Melissa, this is part of why I love reading your blog…….you are real, honest and don’t give a crap! I am afraid of ever saying anything negative on my blog (which is a total weakness, because it just creates an unbalanced perception of who I am…and NO ONE wants to hear about rainbows and flowers all day long), and I want to work on being more balanced with this!
Oh my gosh, you are my favorite person. And you have been for a while, but this just justifies it even more.
Since my ankle injury last spring and current knee issues, I absolutely hate everyone who can run too. Not really, but in theory. I’m incredibly jealous.
And we all have these kinds of days, most people just won’t admit it. But you’re gorgeous and everything will come full circle – always does. ❤
XO to you, too, darlin! I hate your ankle injury!!! And in theory, everyone who can run just like you. 😉
I love you even more for doing this… woman, let it OUT! Doing this helps you sooo so much, probably more than you realize right now.
I am sorry you are feeling so ragey right now, but if it makes you feel any better, you are certainly legitimatized in your feelings! It must be so frustrating right now, but just stick with the nutrition plan and resting and trust that things will get better!!
I’ve also done my back in again! Do you think it’s sympathy pains for you since your emails? 😉
It will improve but you need to continue icing and doing the light mobility exercises. As it’s been a few weeks, it might be an idea to see an osteopath. They might be able to help a little more.
I hope it improves for you soon.
Oh no!!! I hope it’s just sympathy pain and it goes away quickly! I’m planning a trip to the chiropractor soon, so I’m hoping an adjustment will help.
My back has eased off a bit already, so I should be fine in a few days I hope. A chiropractor will definitely realign your pelvis and spine, so hopefully that should help. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.
As silly as it sounds, I googled “feeling fat” and stumbled across your March blog. Though you are far and away from that feeling back in March, your words couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I literally have been feeling fat for two days! In addition to being convinced that I am gigantic, I am frustrated because I’ve spent the last several months being more serious about fitness and nutrition than ever before. I know where it started. I had a heavy meal and a glass of wine over the weekend. I did it with intention and had no regrets at the time. Who knew that two days later I would feel like a cow? I hate that. Arggh!! Stumbling across this blog really helped. Thanks for your honesty!! Lean and lithe will come back, right?
I’m so glad this post helped you, Nancy! Yes, we all have those horrible days (or stretches of days!) where we feel like that! I’m sure you’ll be feeling lighter and brighter again in no time! XO
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